Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day

So this is the day where we give flowers and chocolates. I'm over it. I'm glad my BF is glad that I'm over it. Seven years ago today I was sitting in a restaurant 6 months pregnant with twins and the monster got mad at me for some reason and threw his plate of food down, splattering it everywhere. Then he yelled at me, got up and walked out. I was sooooo embarrassed. Wtf could I have said or done to deserve that? Nothing, I did nothing to deserve it, that's what!! I didn't know what to do. I just sat there and took a few bites, brushed the food off, LEFT THE MONEY, and walked out, or should I say waddled.

Everyone was looking. the monster is 6'7" 300 lbs. Everyone always agrees with him, who wouldn't want to. I could see their eyes "she must have done something to deserve it, why would you set him off, its valentines day, what a bitch, she got what she had coming. I read their thoughts straight out of their pupils. the window to your mind. God you people are so easy to read. Yes that's it, put your head down in shame because you don't want to get involved, just stay out of it, right? Let me tell you, I sure as shit don't need you in my village.

While I was cleaning this off my belly, I got dirty looks for ruining everyone's dinner by making him mad. It was all my fault. Yep, I made him do it.

So when my BF suggested Chinese buffet for dinner tonight, I had serious PTSD flashbacks of pulling chow mien off my stomach and flicking rice off my arms. I have learned not to say anything. I want to, but its not his job to BFF my girl issues. Besides, one time he said "so, I have to pay for your exes mistakes?" wake up call. No, you shouldn't have to. I could come up with a whole damn long list of things that cause flashbacks. I mean anything and everything could possibly remind me of some horrible event. But its not happening now! Push it aside. Don't punish the loved ones that are here now. It's not their fault that your mental. Its the monsters fault. Besides, I'm trying to make new happy memories, that way many valentines down the road I will look back and see these ones. Not to mention that I'm not that much into it since it started as a celebration of a roman catholic priest being executed. Just like Christmas, a holiday that is celebrated completely opposite of what it means, which is basically another holiday I don't care about either. BF said "we can just do our own valentine whenever we want, hey tomorrow everything is half off" my kind of man.

We have been together about 2 1/2 years. he totally understands me. On Facebook and other sites you can list if and what kind of relationship you are in. There is one that says "its complicated" BF says "there should be one that's says "She's complicated'" u baby..


  1. It's great you're sharing this! Writing is healing.

    1. thank you so much! Writing is healing. I hope that some of these words can help heal others too. There is life after Domestic Violence, which I haven't delved into too much, and a whole lot of life after you heal.