You are what you eat

You are what you eat

 

You are (literally, made of) what you eat. Sure you have bones and muscle and blood, but the quality and integrity of each atomic particle that makes up your entire body consists of chemical compounds different than those of other people. Due to the following chemicals being injected into animals, a person who eats a large amount of meat, dairy and eggs is going to have higher levels of antibiotics, steroids, or growth hormones in their system. A vegan, who doesn’t eat those animal products at all, will have a lower level, although there are chemicals they need to be watchful for based on a plant diet. http://www.livescience.com/26278-risks-raw-vegan-diet.html

This is NOT a ‘Be a Vegan Pledge’, not that it's a bad way of eating at all. It's called Eat Real Food. This is a ‘Pay attention to what you put in your body’ plea.

 

They do have free-range; non-anything-injected cows and chickens, which is at least a good way to start. The down side is that the animal is still slaughtered, and the manner in which it is killed can be just as alarming. They dump a lot of emotions and stress into their circulation system as they’re dying.     We are eating pain and fear.

        And then all that meat tastes even better deep fried, with deep fried appetizers, and deep friend ice cream for dessert. An excessive amount of flour, oil and chemical laden foods should be something of concern if it’s consumed often. GMO’s and pesticides are causing a vast amount of damage to your system too! That’s a novel itself.

It’s all about the quality of life

 

        The better the quality of your food is, the better the quality of you as a whole in body, mind and spirit. Do not underestimate your body's need for water and green vegetables.

        The poorer the quality of food, the harder your body has to work to process that artificial junk, and then it’s those chemicals and smells and secretions that our body then emits.

It has to come get out somehow.

 

 

 Fruit, vegetables, seeds, nuts, beans and grains don’t need instruction manuals. Those are things called “FOOD”. The most simplest definition:  GROWS FROM GROUND

 

 

Other than having a different kind of chemical imbalance, possibly, what do you smell like when you sweat?  Is it an unusually high amount of foul odor?  Does it smell like McDonalds? Do you eat like shit? Does all your food have microwavable directions?

You know what a vegans sweat smells like? Fucking coconut water. ;)

 

Let’s talk about down south. Dark urine, orange or neon green, would generally suggest that you are dehydrated or need to lay off the Mountain Dew.
Do your farts smell like they could choke a donkey? That would be the aroma of greasy, sugary, artificially incrusted shit coated in a vast amount of junk and processed slime.

 

 

                          If YOU don’t know what it is, your body doesn’t either!  

 

        Do the ingredients on the pre-packaged foods you impulsively eat out of habit, stress, trauma, or addiction contain several words you can’t even pronounce except for FLOUR, SUGAR, OIL, ARTIFICIAL COLORS, ARTIFICAL FLAVORS, etc?

 

Back to the animal injections

Question anything the Food and Drug Administration tells you is safe.
https://www.fda.gov/AnimalVeterinary/SafetyHealth/ProductSafetyInformation/ucm055435.htm

 

Why do the animals need to be injected with so many antibiotics? Is the meat constantly getting infected?! The regular intake of antibiotics causes our bodies to be immune over time in harmony with prescribed antibiotics, and later when it’s a serious illness it necessitates a higher dosage to be effective.

Then you have steroids. What the hell do animals need steroids for?! Are they trying out for the NFL or something?!

Let’s say you run a chicken farm. You got baby chickens that won’t be big enough, to sell to the butcher or start laying eggs, for another 6 to 7 months. So you give those babies RED BULL because Red Bull gives you wings, chicken wings. Yes, steroids will have that baby chicken big enough to slaughter in half the time. You just doubled your profits. And the eggs you get from these steroid chickens, well, they are sold at a higher price due to being Extra-Extra-Large.

        And ah, last but not least, the lovely Growth hormones. The kinds of growth hormones that will have you go bra and feminine pad shopping and have the period talk with your 8 year old daughter. These are the kind of hormones that can increase the growth of tumors as well. The kinds of growth hormones make other things grow faster in your body!

 

You know your body better than anyone. Listen to it.

Back up 3 years ago

My doctor had informed me during my annual blood work that my cholesterol was skyrocketing. I was pretty sure that cholesterol was directly related to the amount of oil you consumed so I didn’t understand why. I told him that on average I consumed very little oil.  After looking up my meds, it was obvious that it was a side effect from the medications I was already on and then he wanted to give me a pill to lower my cholesterol. Ummm, but it’s high because of a pill. What side effect will I have after that new pill?

http://www.webmd.com/drug-medication/news/20150508/most-prescribed-top-selling-drugs

It was time to make some radical changes.

I started researching several of my autoimmune diagnosis’ such as Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Degenerative Disk Disease, Muscular Connective Tissue Disorder, etc, and physical symptoms of fatigue, chronic pain, foggy memory, grogginess, anxiety, panic and mood swings and couldn’t put my finger on why they were so bad, especially when I was obviously on psychiatric medications for all the mood swings and bouts of anger and panic attacks! I had no idea how to help with the physical part, but apparently the psych meds were useless.
 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fibromyalgia/basics/definition/CON-20019243

        Why do I still feel sick? What am I taking this med for when I’m now in different situation in life, that I was prior to, but still have severe mood swings!? I’m in a different relationship, with more peaceful surroundings, less toxic people, less stress, less life problems, more positive personal growth, well being, less physical work, more focus on my health….it has all led me to stopping my medications, and changing my diet.

 

It was time to be proactive and research for myself because something’s got to give.

 When I read an article discussing the Top 10 signs of Gluten Intolerance a light went on. I slumped back in chair staring at the screen, and what I saw was,

 “This is why you’re sick and take medication”. It was an epiphany. And the doctors agreed.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7482/10-signs-youre-gluten-intolerant.html

 

I had made a food journal. I was determined to find out the cause for sure. I also suffered from bad allergies. I was so utterly exhausted and fatigued daily that by lunch time, I was going down for a 3-5 hour nap. I was completely spent. I had already filed for disability due to chronic pain and multiple surgeries from failing health. It just kept getting worse, and decades of full time work while raising kids on top of being sick was only wearing me down faster.

I dove in head first with stopping gluten just to see if that was it. Within 48 hours I realized that too much flour made me tired, and sugar made my muscles hurt and burn. 

Boom. No questions asked. No complaints. I knew it would be hard, and I had no idea how much I was going to have to relearn to eat, but snap, just like that, I was convinced, and felt the change 10 fold.

I stopped all wheat flour, and about 90 % sugar.

My fatigue reduced by 75%. I reduced my medications all by an average of 75%. (I completely cut 3, and reduced the other 3 by half) I wasn’t horribly tired any more. I didn’t hurt as much. I had more energy. I felt better. I went GLUTEN FREE. I lost weight and felt like a brand new woman!

I also stopped getting sick. I haven’t had the flu and only 1 cold in 3 years. Not one times have I needed antibiotics. (For the record, we’ve been homeschooling the kids for almost 3 years too, so they are not around so many sick kids as much as public schools) I use natural medicine, herbs, oils, and extra medicinal green herbs. I have numerous autoimmune diseases and I don’t get sick! So many mental and physical things changed. The sugar made my injuries burn. The flour instantly made me grouchy and fatigued, and the crash of excess sugar made me angry and jittery. WTF

 I didn’t need psychiatric medications to regulate my moods!!
 I needed a changed in DIET!!

        I am shocked, still to this day 3 years later that by completely cutting gluten, cutting sugar way back, eating far less artificial foods, and way more real food made a whole world of difference.

        I can’t stop the progression of anything. It has gotten worse and I still get tired and the pain is unbearable at times. I’m still disabled. I still have injuries caused by my joints falling apart. But if I hadn’t made that change, my quality of life could be dangerously close to giving up.

 

I made a change to myself that a pill couldn’t touch.

 

If you or a loved one is suffering from ANY autoimmune disease, I highly suggest you help them research the benefits and discomforts of each food or medicine that they intake.

FEMESPLAINING TO MEN: I changed the gasoline to the highest level of octane and the performance is phenomenally better.

Leaving an abuser - Domestic Violence

Leaving An Abuser - Domestic Violence Help

If you made it this far, then you already know what types of abuse there are, and know you need to get out.

       I've been there. I've been in the bowels of darkness, covered in blood, wishing I could just die. I was there, riddled with depression, anxiety and pain. I was there in the days before cool touch screen phones with Google at your fingertips was available. I was there after the Internet was created, but not allowed to be on it. I was there when the sight of me at a borrowed home computer gave the impression that a man was going to suddenly jump out of it and start having sex with me right then and there, because obviously I was online to talk to men. Obviously I was trying to figure out how to get away. (I used computers at work, but apparently that didn't bother him since I was bringing home money).

Random Link Away From This Page --- Funny cat videos https://youtu.be/yCUXErWDGss

He was always aware of my desire to escape. The Mental abuse was more challenging. That is exactly what the psychological warfare was all about. Brainwashing.     

https://psychcentral.com/blog/brainwashing-in-abusive-relationships/

 

Never let on what you're doing. - It's important to not deviate from your routine. Any help you receive, or plans you make has to be something you do quickly while on a shopping errand, groceries, anywhere that you're allowed to be out of his (OR HER) sight.

Always act casual, or whatever his version of normal is. - Acting different, or smug, or like you got something up your sleeve is a dead giveaway. Don't be cocky and think that he doesn't know what you're doing. Don't act overly nice or accommodating either. Just be how you are, and not be anxious or dart your eyes around too much while quietly in deep thought. These are telling signs that you're up to something.

Make copies of all important documents. - Marriage license, birth certificates, social security cards, income verification, Health and Social Services documents, doctor papers, pictures of bruises or injuries, car titles, leases, utility bills, anything that can prove who you are, and where you've been, and have the necessary papers for where you want to go. There are places that will help you get some of things back, but if you can get away with making copies here and there, do it.

Make copies of keys too, garage, storage, locks, house and car.

 

 

Find A Domestic Violence Shelter Near You ---

https://www.domesticshelters.org/search#?page=1

Hide a stash of clothes for you and kids, nickel and dime your way to any extra money you ever get or can get away with. Put it somewhere you know they won't find it but don't assume that they aren't always looking for stuff you may hide. Keep it at work or with a very trusted neighbor, just anywhere that he won't have access to.

Know your way out, where to go, when to call for help, when and how to leave. Practice your escape route if you can, but at a normal pace. Don't expect that it will all happen in 2 minutes, when it will really take 10 because you're being casual about it.

Write down all phone numbers you'll ever need and put them in your hiding spot. Keep track of what you have hidden there, and keep the phone numbers, addresses, websites, emails and any pertinent information about your abuser up to date. Write down his information also, such as date of birth, social security number, detail physical description and the type of abuse too. His work information, mom, dad, cousin, everyone you know that is affiliated with him.... write it down.

 

 

Leaving is the scariest and most dangerous time.

They are anticipating it. It was at these times when I experienced the most pain and destruction and realized the true meaning of "sleeping with the enemy". I would quickly change gears and pretend like nothing was wrong if I got the whiff of him knowing. Even though I was in the midst of abuse, I was alive. BUT I WAS NOT LIVING. I was merely existing. Knowing when to leave, run or literally flee for your life is all about timing.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!

 

THEY TOO LIVE IN FEAR.....FEAR THAT THEY'LL GET CAUGHT.

THAT GUILTY FEAR IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

THEY WILL DO IT AGAIN!  

Random Link Away From This Page --- https://www.nationalgeographic.com/photography/

Plan your escape. The time to go is when they LEAST expect it. They expect it right after hurting you and all the way up until right after the beginning of the Honeymoon Phase when the "I'm Sorry" and Gift-Giving starts again. They'll second guess whether you're accepting of their apology before relaxing and getting comfortable with you being complacent once more. Don't act differently or let on that This Is It. This is the last time.

 

Things will be less tense during now and before it's too long... ''you'll do something, it'll be your fault, look what you made him/her do". You'll know.

 

The Cycle Of Abuse 

http://domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/

     Before the cycle starts again is when their guard is down, or if you happen to have all your stuff together somewhere and you're free to run, but it's when they least expect it, do it. When they are confident they've roped you in one more time, so as long as you don't act odd or give warning or nervous and tip them off.... RUN!


     I endured it from someone the size of a doorway and could physically stop me. It's knowing why to go as well, not just when. Believing that its undeserving. You DO NOT deserve this! It can change the way you think about things and cause you to question your judgment and reality.

Their mission is to get in your head and control you.

I feared (and will still at various times due to PTSD) contact, retaliation, physical harm or danger to me or my kids, cyber bullying, stalking, psychological torture such as brainwashing, man this guy was a real winner. The kind of guy that never gets in trouble for anything either.

They can be smooth talkers and make you look crazy, gaslighting you, while telling the cops that you are the real problem and they are just the loving wonderful man that they see before them who is just trying to have a nice family time. This is what they are good at....HIDING A SECRET.

Sadly, some police officers are just not trained enough to recognize these signs.

http://ptsdtreatmenthelp.com/domestic-violence-and-ptsd/

I'm going on more than 8 years DV free while struggling through the stages of Early Survival to Successful Happiness and mentoring. I didn't even know what DV was while I was in the midst of it. I left and got a Restraining Order, although he has never stayed in one place long enough to be found and served. Maybe I should have pressed charges and sent him to jail. Maybe I'm just better off away from it all. Maybe he tried to abuse someone else, and they'll be stronger than I was and send him to prison. Maybe......

If I stay hidden and not talk about it, he wins. And yet the fear is enough to stay anonymous. It's just enough to get as far as I've gotten now, and hopefully you'll be even more successful than me.

I have made many life changes but revealing my name and location isn't one of them.

Random Link Away From This Page --- http://www.tvguide.com/

 

 

I can't promise that the depression, anxiety and pain will completely go away.

But you will be a SURVIVOR of Domestic Abuse,

not a VICTIM.

 

The day my hair died

It may seem like a silly thing to say, or think about, your hair dying, but that's how it looked and I felt how it looked.
This isn't a story about a bad color job, although remind me about the time I bleached it at home.

I was separated by my 1st husband of 10 years by about a year or so when I had the misfortune of bumping into The Abuser. Exactly 2 weeks later I got pregnant with twins. By the next day, I didn't even like him anymore and was going to tell him to kick rocks. Crazy how I know my body so well, I had that gut feeling to wait.

When people talk about a Wolf In Sheep's Clothing, they meant this guy. He was extra tall, blonde hair, blue eyed, muscular, and looked dead on like Prince Charming. That shoulda been my clue to fucking run. But this is where I say "I wouldn't have my twins or be where I am now if it wasn't for......ya".

Abusers don't start out like that of course! You don't see a guy being a controlling douche manipulative alcoholic misogynistic arrogant lying cheating addict cunt wagon and go "My goodness, where have you been all my life?!"

They fucking woooooooo you. (Then its a brainwashed Stockholm Syndrome and everyone thinks you're the one who's the bad guy). It's called the Honeymoon Phase. You'll have hundreds of them, more than lunar cycles I'm sure, but back to my hair.

You see, I didn't have just any hair, I had thick, very thick, very long, naturally highlighted, very kinky spiral curly hair. A long non permed mane. I loved it. I only wear it long. No short do has ever been cute and it wasn't cut for the first time until I was 13.
My daughter has it. My heart. ♡

         Not me, was longer but close enough.


Stress can do some crazy things to you physically. Not long after, I'm 5 months pregnant with twins and the abuse is front and center, and I'm having thoughts of driving off a cliff to rid the world of it all. Him, me, 2 boys who still don't know the half of what I went through to stay alive.

One day, I'm in the shower and after rinsing my hair I noticed quite a bit in my hand. It wasn't odd for me to lose a lot, but the handfuls wouldn't stop. I panicked. I got out of the shower and didn't brush my hair, just put it in a bun for fear of brushing it all off. I had been through stressful times, but never had clump after clump of hair just come off so easily. I immediately run to show him, because he's all I got! and I already know before I say anything....what the fuck does he care? Of course he doesn't. He laughed. He laughed at me being miserable stressed and carrying two babies and my hair was falling out.
He was a fucking lunatic.

The next day, I carefully unwrapped my bun and gently brushed it with my best brush from the bottom up. I pulled so many wads of hair out of the bristles. I broke some of them off trying to get it all.
And there it was. Something I hadn't noticed before.....straight roots...inches of it. There was barely a wave to it. I had straight, thin, brittle strands coming out of my head. I could see my scalp! How had I not seen this?!

I took my prenatal pills. I took my iron. I ate healthy, but this was my body pleading for help. It took me a while to listen though, and with each passing month, I was reminded that my hair had died, inch by inch. The spirit within me that lived in it was dying.
It looked so bad that people told me to fix my perm.

So I cut off all the curls, and threw the mane in the trash, along with whatever strength I had left in me and finally ran.

I did my best to feel good and figure out what to do with this lifeless mop, but I and it are one in spirit and pain. It's just "There" now, sometimes like me. The wild, adventurous untamable fire has flat lined.

It's good that time has passed and I make do with the new do. It's called the Janis Joplin now.
I marvel at how 1 boy got the thickness and 1 the thin, 1 the curls, 1 straight.
They're almost bigger than me now. It makes me glad were here.

It's still long, just slightly wavy and much much thinner. It's greying now. I tried every expensive hair product to bring it back, but resurrection was not possible. It is what it is.

Some things just need to be cut off and buried.

The Coping Pill

THE COPING PILL

       The coping pill. It's most commonly known as 'Psych Meds'. Thousands of variations of scientific chemicals meant to re balance organic chemicals in your brain.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression                                                                     

 

       Most people suffering from Anxiety or panic attacks take specific anti-anxiety medications. There are a tremendous amount of stressors in a persons life which may hinder the production of those chemicals in your brain, making medication necessary. Some take Mood Stabilizers for their Bipolar.

 

The downside to this, other than the numerous side effects such as suicide and weight gain, is that Bipolar means 2 sides, Down Depression and Up Depression.
 

       That very downside behind what's being prescribed to you, is based primarily on the varying degrees for both types of depression. There is no rhyme or reason to why certain meds work for some, and why they don't work for others.
It is likened to perfume. The formula itself can not be patented, since the base of each person's chemistry is different, therefore rendering numerous outcomes from each person.

 

Down; low demeanor, sleepiness, excessive crying and sadness, low tolerance to stress and triggering memories, is generally called Clinical Depression.

Up;  elated euphoria, excitedly talkative with a lot of energy, less need for sleep, and heightened desire for risk. This is Manic Depression.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/what-is-bipolar-disorder

       A large amount of questioning, evaluating, mood tracking and observation will determine how much of each Depression you suffer from, how often they cycle, how long they last, and if you experience both at the same time. The plethora of medications that require the 'Trial and Error' process, (that we all went through, until the right combination fits) can make the sanest person want to pull their hair out, which by the way is called Trichotillomania. It also includes picking at the skin. It's a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD. A sister to Anxiety.

http://www.newsmax.com/FastFeatures/homeless-veterans-statistics/2017/02/03/id/651049/
      
       Sadly, a large population of homeless individuals are not only in need of general well being, but their mental health goes untreated, uncared for and undeserved. Many are veterans, youth, disabled and/or suffering from a terminal illness.

http://www.air.org/center/national-center-family-homelessness


       On the other side, the amount of people on medication for mental health is flippantly on the rise.  Tests to ensure that other situations or conditions are responsible are not given. In most cases, medication is prescribed, although many times it's the coping mechanisms that are not working for that individual. Non-medical options should be taught in conjunction to prescribed pills, while continuing to access the patients environmental stressors.
Many medications are blatantly over prescribed.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db76.htm

This is not for anyone to decide on their own right now to suddenly stop taking your meds. Just talk to your doctor about the absolute necessity of each one, and if there is anything else that can help you.
 

Do NOT jump off your meds!

One of the top non psychiatric meds prescribed is for high cholesterol. That, combined with so many prescribed for Anxiety, means that there are a lot of 'Nervous Greasy People' running around. That's my new band name. :)
 

 

        Before you go to psychiatric medication for the first time, or are reevaluating them now, think about what is making you feel this way. If you are suffering from an addiction, and are using to ease the pain of depression, YOU ARE NOT GOING FORWARD.  The depression pills may absolutely help you out of a dark place so that you have the energy and will power to quit the addiction, but don't use it as a crutch to ensure that problems in your life will never arise again, requiring you to cope with them.
Analyze your environment before taking any Chemical Cocktail that alters the chemistry in your brain. 

If there is no chemical imbalance then you will do more damage than good. 

There are many causes of environmental depression:
http://www.stresstips.com/the-role-of-environmental-stress-in-your-mood/

• marriage 

• work

• children/parent 

• home environment

• neighborhood

• home repairs

• health

• accidents/hospital stays

• safety concerns

• vehicle repairs

• money

• addictions 

• friends/family

• school

Including many endless possibilities such as:
overuse of electronics
the ending of a TV series
returning from vacation

        The list goes on, but these are the main stressors in a persons life. Dealing with, or rather COPING with any of them is most certainly anxiety inducing. The proper medication would be something that helps you COPE, not repair non defunct misfirings in your brain.
Just one, let alone many of these stressors can depress you so directly, that you do not enjoy the every day little things that give you most joy.
You're not happy at all any more, and unfortunately you may not be able to decipher whether it's coming from your diagnosed depression, or from your medications not working. Both require time and patience.

 

COPING SKILLS
http://www.haveigotaproblem.com/download/191/How-To-Improve-Coping-Skills

 

Something is making you unhappy. Work on identifying what that something is, and diligently try to change it, or learn how to cope with it. There is NO magic pill. 

 

If you are miserable because your marriage is miserable, a pill won't fix it. It can make you forget it, but that won't fix it.

 

If your job is stressful, and your boss is a jerk, there is no pill that will undo that.

         However, this doesn't always mean that you need a pill to alter your brain, when your brain had nothing to do with the cause of the depression I.e. The job, the house repairs, the bad relationship with your spouse....

 

You must learn to cope with things when there is not an imbalance causing the sadness and anxiety. Taking a pill won't make it go away, you must tackle it head on.

 

        Your job will not get better. Your spouse will not get sweeter. And your not going to suddenly drop pounds, look like a model and be the latest hot thing.

No magic pill for that either. It takes work. 

 

       There are many that are in need of them due to those imbalances that cause many of the same symptoms of depression or mania. Same goes for anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and several others who suffer from mental illness. Please, take these as needed and practice on your coping skills. 

 

As far as environmental depression, a pill will only make it worse on top of side effects. 

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-depression#1
 

Learn to cope. Learn coping skills. Practice coping skills. Try mindful techniques designed for you to process it. Work on things. Make goals. Move. Change jobs. Suffer the interim. Learn. To. Cope. 

Cut the toxic negativity out of your life and find the coping skills that work for you

FUKITOL

Borderline Personality Disorder BPD ~ Help for you and your loved ones

Here is a list of all the posts I covered that day on my Facebook page located at https://www.facebook.com/Imcrazygetoveryourself

BPD

~~~~~~~~~~

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships.

Symptoms:

Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived

A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating

Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

Borderline personality disorder is quite different from bipolar I disorder. The mood swings seen in borderline personality disorder seldom last more than one day. Mood swings in bipolar I disorder last much longer. Borderline personality disorder doesn't exhibit the prolonged episodes of decreased need for sleep, hyperactivity, pressured speech, reckless over-involvement, and grandiosity that are ...characteristic of bipolar I disorder.

Borderline Coping Styles

◦Feels misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized.

◦Blames her own failures or shortcomings on other people or circumstances; attributes her difficulties to external factors rather than accepting responsibility for her own conduct or choices.

◦Gets into power struggles.

◦When upset, has trouble perceiving both positive and negative qualities in the same person at the same time (e.g. may see others in black or white terms, shift suddenly from seeing someone as an angel to seeing her as a devil).

◦Becomes irrational when strong emotions are stirred up; may show a significant decline from customary level of functioning.

◦Has little psychological insight into her own motives, behavior, etc.

◦Is unable to soothe or comfort herself without the help of another person (i.e. has difficulty regulating her own emotions).

◦Tends to “catastrophize”; is prone to see her problems as disastrous, unsolvable, etc.

◦Tends to hold grudges; may dwell on insults or slights for long periods.

◦When distressed, tends to revert to earlier, less mature ways of coping (e.g. clinging, whining, having tantrums).

◦Relationships tend to be unstable, chaotic, and rapidly changing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tips for Friends and Family of Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

It can be difficult to deal with a friend or loved one who has borderline personality disorder (BPD). Use these tips to handle tough times and help maintain a safe environment:

•Read as much as you can about BPD — knowing about the disorder helps you deal with it.

•If you live with someone who has BPD, join a support group or consider therapy for yourself to help you deal with the issues you face.

•Understand that BPD behaviors aren’t about you. Try to depersonalize what’s happening.

•Even if you understand BPD behaviors, you need to know your own limits and stick by them — don’t ever allow yourself to be abused.

•Understand your loved one’s hot buttons and try not to push them — yet know that you won’t always succeed.

•Realize that sometimes the only thing you can do is leave the relationship when your loved one repeatedly runs over your limits or when your loved one refuses treatment.

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

As with other mental disorders, the causes of borderline personality disorder aren't fully understood. Experts agree, though, that the disorder results from a combination of factors. Factors that seem likely to play a role include:

•Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited or strongly associated with other mental disorders among family members.

•Environmental factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.

•Brain abnormalities. Some research has shown changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.

~~~~~~~~~~

TIPS FOR COMMUNICATING WITH AN INDIVIDUAL WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

(Some of these are more for when a person may be agitated. You don't have to treat us like there is something wrong all the time.)

1. Be realistic.
You will not eliminate another person's borderline behavior, no matter how well you communicate. Only that person can do that.

2. Leave if necessary.
You do not have to tolerate physical threats or emotional or verbal abuse.

3. Simplify.
When speaking with a BP, especially about sensitive issues, remember emotion is likely to be so strong that neither of you can do high-level thinking. Make each sentence short, simple, and direct. Leave no room for misinterpretation.

4. Separate the person from the behavior.
Make it clear to the BP that when you dislike behavior, you do not dislike the person.

5. Address feelings before facts.
In ordinary conversation, we put facts before feelings. We assess facts and react with our feelings to them. But people with BPD often reverse this process.

6. Keep focusing on your message.
Ignore the BP's attacks or threats or attempts to change the subject. Stay calm and reiterate your point.

7. Ask questions.
Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for alternative solutions.

8. Remember the importance of timing.
There are good times and bad times to bring up certain subjects.

9. In the midst of an intense conversation that is escalating and unproductive, practice

Delay, Distract, Depersonalize, and Detach.

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
TIPS FOR LOVED ONES

Delay, Distract, Depersonalize, and Detach.

Delay.
Tell the other person, "Why don't we think about things and talk about this later?" or "Give me some time to think about what you're saying." Speak calmly and in a way that affirms the other person as well as yourself.

Distract.
Suggest, for instance, that the two of you run an errand together.

Depersonalize.
Throughout, you will do better if you remind yourself frequently that the BP's harsh criticism of you is not real, but still feels very real to that person. Don't take the other person's comments personally, however cutting or cruel they may feel to you. This is the nature of the disorder.

Detach.
Remove yourself emotionally from getting caught up in the emotional whirlwind. Resolve to yourself, "I'm not going to get so involved in this."

~~~~~~~~~~

Borderline Personality Disorder Coping Skills:

•Reduce the intensity of the emotional distress you feel

•Reduce the likelihood that you will do something harmful (e.g., engage in self- harming behaviors) to attempt to escape from the emotional distress

•Reduce the likelihood that you will engage in behaviors that destroy relationships (e.g., physical aggression) when you are upset

•Improve y...our ability to be able to continue to function well even when in stressful circumstances

•Build confidence in your ability to handle difficult situations

•Ultimately reduce your overall experience of emotion dysregulation

•Social Support. Talk to others who may understand what you are going through.

• Behavioral Activation. Engage in an activity that might take your mind off the stressful situation for a little while.

Relaxation Exercises. Practice a relaxation exercise, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.

• Grounding. Practice grounding exercises that are designed to keep you "grounded" in the present moment, rather than caught up in replaying events in your head, worrying about the future or zoning out.

•Mindfulness Meditation. Practice mindfulness meditation, which helps you to observe and describe your experiences without judging or rejecting them.

•Active Problem-Solving. Consider the problem at hand: Is there a way to solve the problem directly?

Many psychological treatments for BPD, including cognitive behavioral treatments such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), focus on teaching healthier coping skills to manage strong emotions.

“Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction”), who defines mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

Depression ~ Help for you or your loved one

Here are the posts from my page on Depression:

Depression Symptoms:

Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

Fatigue and decreased energy

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
...
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

Irritability, restlessness

Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

Overeating or appetite loss

Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive
problems that do not ease even with treatment

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Are There Warning Signs of Suicide With Depression?

Depression carries a high risk of suicide. Anybody who expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions should be taken very, very seriously. Do not hesitate to call your local suicide hotline immediately. Call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) -- or the deaf hotline at 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889).

Warning signs of ...suicide with depression include:

A sudden switch from being very sad to being very calm or appearing to be happy

Always talking or thinking about death

Clinical depression (deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating) that gets worse

Having a "death wish," tempting fate by taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving through red lights

Losing interest in things one used to care about

Making comments about being hopeless, helpless, or worthless

Putting affairs in order, tying up loose ends, changing a will

Saying things like "It would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"

Talking about suicide (killing one's self)

Visiting or calling people one cares about

Remember, if you or someone you know is demonstrating any of the above warning signs of suicide with depression, either call your local suicide hot line, contact a mental health professional right away, or go to the emergency room for immediate treatment.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Understanding depression in a friend or family member:

◾Depression is a serious condition. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.

◾The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotion...al level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most. In addition, depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.

◾Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.

◾You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his or her happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR LOVED ONE WHO SUFFERS FROM DEPRESSION:

Remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice!

Being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Very often, this is a matter of talking to the person in language that he or she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.

What you can say that helps:

◾ You are not a...lone in this. I’m here for you.
◾ You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
◾ I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
◾ When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.
◾ You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
◾ Tell me what I can do now to help you.

Avoid saying:

◾ It’s all in your head.
◾ We all go through times like this.
◾ Look on the bright side.
◾ You have so much to live for why do you want to die?
◾ I can’t do anything about your situation.
◾ Just snap out of it.
◾ What’s wrong with you?
◾ Shouldn’t you be better by now?

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Supporting the depression treatment process

One of the most important things you can do to help a friend or relative with depression is to give your unconditional love and support throughout the treatment process. This involves being compassionate and patient, which is not always easy when dealing with the negativity, hostility, and moodiness that go hand in hand with depression.

◾Provide whatev...er assistance the person needs (and is willing to accept). Help your loved one make and keep appointments, research treatment options, and stay on schedule with any treatment prescribed.

◾Have realistic expectations. It can be frustrating to watch a depressed friend or family member struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with optimal treatment, recovery from depression doesn’t happen overnight.

◾Lead by example. Encourage your friend or family member to lead a healthier, mood-boosting lifestyle by doing it yourself: maintain a positive outlook, eat better, avoid alcohol and drugs, exercise, and lean on others for support.

◾Encourage activity. Invite your loved one to join you in uplifting activities, like going to a funny movie or having dinner at a favorite restaurant. Exercise is especially helpful, so try to get your depressed loved one moving. Going on walks together is one of the easiest options. Be gently and lovingly persistent—don’t get discouraged or stop asking.

◾Pitch in when possible. Seemingly small tasks can be hard for a depressed person to manage. Offer to help out with household responsibilities or chores, but only do what you can without getting burned out yourself!

 

~~~~~~~~

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm

 

http://www.webmd.com/depression/

 

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/depression/

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/definition/CON-20032977

 

Guest blog for Screw Depression

I've been blogging for almost 6 months now, and it seems so natural. I can't figure out why I didn't start this earlier. Oh yeah, my mom read my diary, and I was terrified anyone would know my inner most thoughts and feelings. Which all in of itself is ironic, since I had always planned on writing about just that.

I became disabled a few years back when, after a nervous breakdown, and complete loss of thinking capabilities led me to further destroy everything around me, that hadn't been destroyed already.

My Fibro got worse. My Endo required surgeries. I was getting garnished way to much money at work from my first ex husband (the one who has 50/50 custody of my older boys, that he won't let me see, because he is still obsessed with punishing me for leaving him.) All the stress was causing me to fail school, which I had started, again, in hopes of getting out of the rut of being a single mom and barely getting by.

After 18 months of being successful, and then failing (as I see it) I went back to him. The Abuser. The second ex-husband. I spent 10 years in a marriage where I wore the pants in the family, and he couldn't say boo unless I told him to. That's not my idea of a marriage. Some women like control. Some women don't like raising a husband.
So the next guy was the complete opposite. His evil slowly came out after I got pregnant (quickly).
It got even worse after I married him. That didn't last long, thank goodness.

There are so many painful memories from my childhood. I know for a fact that there are a lot of good ones too, but I can't remember too many of those. Those are the ones that fade away. The evil that was done, is what creeps up on me when I lay down, when I see something that reminds me of my past, when I hear something, and even when I smell something. There is that 'smack in the face' flashback that keeps ripping, little by little, the last fragment of hope and happiness that you carry around.


I'm on the road to recovery. It's a slow, painful process, but it's still a forward process. I have Bipolar 2 rapid cycling. That means I can change moods quickly, and without warning, and I am a prisoner to it. A prisoner. I'm a prisoner in my own body and am always arguing with the warden. Sometimes I get put in the hole. Sometimes I'm let out in general public, with a warning.

It's frustrating, having other moods, an almost unknown entity, make your decisions, carry out plans, and talk to people when it doesn't even feel like 'you'. The real you stays at home, cries, is miserable, depressed, bored, lonely, battling so much in your head. The other 'you' is the one that goes out in public, talks to people, goes grocery shopping, runs errands, pays bills, goes to meetings at the kid's school, talks to acquaintances, and acts 'normal'. When shit hits the fan, the real you comes out and no one recognizes. Now you seem different and fake. If they only knew you were out of your comfort zone and a stronger version of you stepped in until you can go back home and fall apart. It's so much work.

Anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, mania, chronic pain, surgeries, relationships, bills,..it all seems to come crashing down on me at once. I have to fight to dig thru each one, one at a time before more comes down. PTSD, the wonderful life of having flashbacks, not just memories, but full on visual and mental experiences, like you're right there. Someone may raise their hand to give you a high five, and you're ducking because you think you're going to get hit. People don't like that, now you're weird, and omg how could you think I was going to hit you? calm down jeez. If I had control of my memories, I would have done wiped out the bad ones long ago.

No, I don't like the bad thoughts, and I try to re-group and focus on the now as soon as I can. I don't go around telling people everything that's wrong with me, but I am opening up a lot more now. People are interested, they ask questions, they're curious. Hmm, you don't seem super crazy, maybe you're a cool person after all. Educate. De-stigma.

Have you ever had an open conversation with someone who came right out and said, 'I am bipolar. I am OCD, I'm on anti-psychotic medication and there is nothing I can do about it for the rest of my life'? Probably not. But that cool chick you were talking to at the park, the lady in front of you at the register, the kid's mom next to you at the school parking lot, the guy playing ball with his kids, the teenager who dresses wierd, the neighbor you sometimes wave to? I bet they have some mental issues, and you'd never know.

So the next time you see someone who seems a little strange, give them a smile, say hi, you might just brighten up their whole week, because you noticed them. You acknowledged their presense.