When there aren't enough spoons

There isn't really a short simple title that says....

I'm a Stay at home mom SAHM
I'm Disabled
We travel full time by RV (most of the year, hibernate in winter)
I home school twin boys.

I am a stay-at-home, disabled, full-time traveling, twin boy road-schooling mom. I wonder if that would fit on a business card.

I used to say "I'm an accountant". Life can throw a nasty curve ball called "I bet you thought everything was going great. Now watch this". Enter severely bad health and multiple surgeries along with a lot of DV.
(This is a good site. If you are NOT SAFE AND IN FEAR, PLEASE GO TO THIS WEBSITE AND LEAVE QUICKLY http://domesticviolence.org/)

The Spoon Theory

 https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

The idea behind this is that you have so many spoons for the day or week. These spoons are your energy. Some days it takes all my spoons to get out of bed. Other days I hope to still have a spoon left for sex. If my husband helps with things during the day, which he does if he can, I have spoons left for that night.
Sometimes I start the day with negative spoons, which means I can't do anything and just hope that tomorrow I wake up with one.

There are 168 hours in a week 

I'm going to average this since there are many things that only happen once a week, or once a month.

Average week: 

Sleeping = 42 hours (if I'm lucky) If I slept 8 hours a night, I would have zero time left after everything else. The less hours of sleep I get, the less spoons I wake up with. The more sleep I get, the more spoons I have, but the less time I have to do anything.
This, is the chronic pain conundrum.

Teaching home school = 25 hours (not including PE, arts n crafts, science experiments, museums, field trips, etc AND cleaning it up. 

Preparing/cooking and serving 3 meals a day = 7-10 hours (sometimes we eat out, or hub helps)

Dishes/scrubbing/sweeping/mopping and general cleaning = 10 hours weekly average at least

Laundry/grocery shopping/errands = 10 hours easy 

Traveling assistant; making 20 phone calls to campgrounds, Rv parks, motels/hotels, any place to stay, car or truck rental, mapping the route, or co-pilot, assistanting in all aspects of traveling, mapping every location along the way and places we'll need once there, finding gas stations, places to eat, laundromats, checking prices, numerous online searches, research, contracts, hiring, etc (since this doesn't happen every week, I'll say the average is) 5-10 hours 

Doctor appts = 1 hour average (unless I have to drive or fly from our job site, then its several hours, if not a day or two)

Bathing/primping/manicuring = 5 hours 

Traveling is not every week, but on average, driving time is = 5-10 (average a few days a month)

Referring, playing with and entertaining fighting twins, taking care of pets = 10 hours 

Due to chronic pain, it takes at least an hour every morning to get out of bed, take my pills, drink coffee, and pray for a good day = 10 hours, at least. If not at least an hour, I'll start throwing those 'spoons'.

 

Making necessary phone calls, paying bills, helping everyone do everything else = 2 hours 

So apparently I have a few hours a day to myself where much needed rest and recouperation is greatly needed. And in that space, we try to have quality time for us. 

Mind you, I am mentally (Ptsd and anxiety) and physically disabled (endo, fibro, mctd) for life, have a permanently dislocated unusable shoulder (that needs a state of the art surgery), suffer from severe chronic pain and migraines, and can not function normally on a daily basis.
 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/home/ovc-20308548
https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/endometriosis
http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/mixed_connective_tissue_disease/article.htm
 

It's still not always good enough. If I'm not on top of things daily, I appear lazy. 

When full blown fibro flares kick in, I am down for days at a time. Whatever my man can't help with, since he works, is all still waiting for me when I'm better. I don't have a team of helpers to do my job for me when I can't.

I just hope it's good enough.
 

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) ~ Help for you and your loved one

Here is a copy of all the PTSD posts I made on my page found here at: https://www.facebook.com/Imcrazygetoveryourself?ref=hl

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PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) was first brought to public attention in relation to war veterans, but it can result from a variety of traumatic incidents, such as mugging, rape, torture, being kidnapped or held captive, child abuse, car accidents, train wrecks, plane crashes, bombings, or natural disasters such as floods or earthquakes.

People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened ...even when they’re no longer in danger.

PTSD can cause many symptoms. These symptoms can be grouped into three categories:

1. Re-experiencing symptoms>

Flashbacks—reliving the trauma over and over, including physical symptoms like a racing heart or sweating

Bad dreams

Frightening thoughts.

2. Avoidance symptoms>

Staying away from places, events, or objects that are reminders of the experience

Feeling emotionally numb

Feeling strong guilt, depression, or worry

Losing interest in activities that were enjoyable in the past

Having trouble remembering the dangerous event.

3. Hyperarousal symptoms>

Being easily startled

Feeling tense or “on edge”

Having difficulty sleeping, and/or having angry outbursts.

 

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Risk factors for PTSD include:

Living through dangerous events and traumas
Having a history of mental illness
Getting hurt
Seeing people hurt or killed
Feeling horror, helplessness, or extreme fear
Having little or no social support after the event
Dealing with extra stress after the event, such as loss of a loved one, pain and injury, or loss of a job or home.
...
Resilience factors that may reduce the risk of PTSD include:

Seeking out support from other people, such as friends and family
Finding a support group after a traumatic event
Feeling good about one’s own actions in the face of danger
Having a coping strategy, or a way of getting through the bad event and learning from it
Being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fear.

 

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Treatments

Psychotherapy - “talk” therapy.

Exposure therapy - It exposes them to the trauma they experienced in a safe way.

Cognitive restructuring - This therapy helps people make sense of the bad memories.

Stress inoculation training - This therapy tries to reduce PTSD symptoms by teaching a person how to reduce anxiety.
...
Medications

---------------------------------------------

How Talk Therapies Help People Overcome PTSD

Talk therapies teach people helpful ways to react to frightening events that trigger their PTSD symptoms. Based on this general goal, different types of therapy may:

Teach about trauma and its effects.

Use relaxation and anger control skills.

Provide tips for better sleep, diet, and exercise habits.

Help people identify and deal with guilt, shame, and other feelings about the event.

Focus on changing how people react to their PTSD symptoms. For example, therapy helps people visit places and people that are reminders of the trauma.

 

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HOW TO TALK TO AND HELP A LOVED ONE WITH PTSD:

You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see in your loved one.
You can take steps to help a loved one cope with stress brought on by a traumatic event.
It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help.

~~Here are ways you can help~~

•Learn as much as you can a...bout PTSD. Knowing how PTSD affects people may help you understand what your family member is going through.
•Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member.
•Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also understand if he or she doesn't feel like talking.
•Plan family activities together, like having dinner or going to a movie.
•Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical activity together.
•Encourage contact with family and close friends.

~~If angry or violent~~

•Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any time.
•Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion must stop right then.
•Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
•Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time you will come back

~~How can I communicate better?~~

•Be clear and to the point.
•Be positive. Blame and negative talk won't help the situation.
•Be a good listener. Don't argue or interrupt. Repeat what you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if you need to know more.
•Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your feelings.
•Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, "Are you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?"
•Ask how you can help.
•Don't give advice unless you are asked.

 

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Crisis resources

You may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do. Nobody expects you to have all the answers. If you feel there is a crisis for you or your loved one, use one of these toll-free, confidential hotlines:

•The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline* is a 24-hour hotline for anyone in emotional distress: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). There is also an online Lifeline Chat* availabl...e from 5 pm to 1 am EST, weekdays.

•The Veterans Crisis Line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with VA responders through a 24/7 hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255), PRESS 1. There is also a 24/7 online Confidential Veterans Chat or text message support at 838255.

•The National Domestic Violence Hotline* offers 24/7 anonymous access to shelters and domestic violence programs as well as legal advocacy, public education, and training: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

•The National Sexual Assault Hotline* operated by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is a 24/7 resource to link victims to counseling and legal advice: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). There is also a National Sexual Assault Online Hotline* for messaging.

•The National Child Abuse Hotline* is a 24/7 resource you can contact if you suspect a child is being abused, if you fear you might hurt your child, or if you have been abused: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453).

 

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Traumatic events that can lead to PTSD include:

◾War
◾Natural disasters
◾Car or plane crashes
◾Terrorist attacks
◾Sudden death of a loved one
◾Rape
◾Kidnapping
◾Assault...
◾Sexual or physical abuse
◾Childhood neglect

Following a traumatic event, almost everyone experiences at least some of the symptoms of PTSD. When your sense of safety and trust are shattered, it’s normal to feel crazy, disconnected, or numb. It’s very common to have bad dreams, feel fearful, and find it difficult to stop thinking about what happened.

These are normal reactions to abnormal events.

For most people, however, these symptoms are short-lived. They may last for several days or even weeks, but they gradually lift. But if you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), the symptoms don’t decrease. You don’t feel a little better each day. In fact, you may start to feel worse.

 

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While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are three main types of symptoms:

1.Re-experiencing the traumatic event
2.Avoiding reminders of the trauma
3.Increased anxiety and emotional arousal

Symptoms of PTSD: Re-experiencing the traumatic event

◾Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
◾Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)...
◾Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
◾Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
◾Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)

Symptoms of PTSD: Avoidance and numbing

◾Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
◾ Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
◾ Loss of interest in activities and life in general
◾ Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
◾ Sense of a limited future (you don’t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)

Symptoms of PTSD: Increased anxiety and emotional arousal

◾Difficulty falling or staying asleep
◾ Irritability or outbursts of anger
◾ Difficulty concentrating
◾ Hypervigilance (on constant “red alert”)
◾ Feeling jumpy and easily startled

Other common symptoms:

◾Anger and irritability
◾Guilt, shame, or self-blame
◾Substance abuse
◾Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
◾Depression and hopelessness
◾Suicidal thoughts and feelings
◾Feeling alienated and alone
◾Physical aches and pains

 

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HELPING A LOVED ONE WITH PTSD:

◾Be patient and understanding.
Getting better takes time, even when a person is committed to treatment for PTSD. Be patient with the pace of recovery and offer a sympathetic ear. A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again. This is part of the healing process, so avoid the temptation to tell your loved one to stop rehashing the... past and move on.

◾Try to anticipate and prepare for PTSD triggers.
Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the trauma; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to offer your support and help your loved one calm down.

◾Don’t take the symptoms of PTSD personally.
Common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) include emotional numbness, anger, and withdrawal. If your loved one seems distant, irritable, or closed off, remember that this may not have anything to do with you or your relationship.

◾Don’t pressure your loved one into talking.
It is very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can even make things worse. Never try to force your loved one to open up. Let the person know, however, that you’re there when and if he or she wants to talk.

 

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http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml?utm_campaign=Social%20%2BMedia&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=Main%2BTwitter%2BFeed

 

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/

 

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

 

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/basics/definition/CON-20022540

 

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/post-traumatic-stress-disorder

 

 

Guest blog for Screw Depression

I've been blogging for almost 6 months now, and it seems so natural. I can't figure out why I didn't start this earlier. Oh yeah, my mom read my diary, and I was terrified anyone would know my inner most thoughts and feelings. Which all in of itself is ironic, since I had always planned on writing about just that.

I became disabled a few years back when, after a nervous breakdown, and complete loss of thinking capabilities led me to further destroy everything around me, that hadn't been destroyed already.

My Fibro got worse. My Endo required surgeries. I was getting garnished way to much money at work from my first ex husband (the one who has 50/50 custody of my older boys, that he won't let me see, because he is still obsessed with punishing me for leaving him.) All the stress was causing me to fail school, which I had started, again, in hopes of getting out of the rut of being a single mom and barely getting by.

After 18 months of being successful, and then failing (as I see it) I went back to him. The Abuser. The second ex-husband. I spent 10 years in a marriage where I wore the pants in the family, and he couldn't say boo unless I told him to. That's not my idea of a marriage. Some women like control. Some women don't like raising a husband.
So the next guy was the complete opposite. His evil slowly came out after I got pregnant (quickly).
It got even worse after I married him. That didn't last long, thank goodness.

There are so many painful memories from my childhood. I know for a fact that there are a lot of good ones too, but I can't remember too many of those. Those are the ones that fade away. The evil that was done, is what creeps up on me when I lay down, when I see something that reminds me of my past, when I hear something, and even when I smell something. There is that 'smack in the face' flashback that keeps ripping, little by little, the last fragment of hope and happiness that you carry around.


I'm on the road to recovery. It's a slow, painful process, but it's still a forward process. I have Bipolar 2 rapid cycling. That means I can change moods quickly, and without warning, and I am a prisoner to it. A prisoner. I'm a prisoner in my own body and am always arguing with the warden. Sometimes I get put in the hole. Sometimes I'm let out in general public, with a warning.

It's frustrating, having other moods, an almost unknown entity, make your decisions, carry out plans, and talk to people when it doesn't even feel like 'you'. The real you stays at home, cries, is miserable, depressed, bored, lonely, battling so much in your head. The other 'you' is the one that goes out in public, talks to people, goes grocery shopping, runs errands, pays bills, goes to meetings at the kid's school, talks to acquaintances, and acts 'normal'. When shit hits the fan, the real you comes out and no one recognizes. Now you seem different and fake. If they only knew you were out of your comfort zone and a stronger version of you stepped in until you can go back home and fall apart. It's so much work.

Anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, mania, chronic pain, surgeries, relationships, bills,..it all seems to come crashing down on me at once. I have to fight to dig thru each one, one at a time before more comes down. PTSD, the wonderful life of having flashbacks, not just memories, but full on visual and mental experiences, like you're right there. Someone may raise their hand to give you a high five, and you're ducking because you think you're going to get hit. People don't like that, now you're weird, and omg how could you think I was going to hit you? calm down jeez. If I had control of my memories, I would have done wiped out the bad ones long ago.

No, I don't like the bad thoughts, and I try to re-group and focus on the now as soon as I can. I don't go around telling people everything that's wrong with me, but I am opening up a lot more now. People are interested, they ask questions, they're curious. Hmm, you don't seem super crazy, maybe you're a cool person after all. Educate. De-stigma.

Have you ever had an open conversation with someone who came right out and said, 'I am bipolar. I am OCD, I'm on anti-psychotic medication and there is nothing I can do about it for the rest of my life'? Probably not. But that cool chick you were talking to at the park, the lady in front of you at the register, the kid's mom next to you at the school parking lot, the guy playing ball with his kids, the teenager who dresses wierd, the neighbor you sometimes wave to? I bet they have some mental issues, and you'd never know.

So the next time you see someone who seems a little strange, give them a smile, say hi, you might just brighten up their whole week, because you noticed them. You acknowledged their presense.

I'm a stocker

or am I really just an organized hoarder?

Hoarding or Stocking

          Hoarders are people who have a need to hang on to things because those things provide comfort. It is a form of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which is associated with bad memories, trust, emotional pain, grief, abandonment or loss, etc. Each of these can trigger hoarding, and before you realize what's happening, you've bought so much stuff that you now have a plethora of piñatas.

         Stuff doesn't leave you. Stuff doesn't make you cry. Stuff doesn't yell at you. Stuff doesn't call you names. Stuff doesn't die. Stuff makes you happy. Stuff fills the void. Stuff is fun. Stuff is a security blanket. Stuff is the wall that pain can't get through.

 

'Stuff' is the wall that traps the pain in.       

       Many hoarders do have a common trait in the desire for donating. They collect, with the intention of giving and helping others, but will still experience anxiety having to part with it. The money spent, on top of the room it takes up, may not be worth storing it at all and could eventually become a headache. Money can be spent on better types of supplies and prepping that doesn't involve saving trash or leaving valuables to rot from weather and exposure. Spend wisely! 

   

Become homeless and watch how fast you're not a hoarder any more.

 

 

Preppers and Homesteaders used to be called 'everybody' not too long ago.

https://homesteading.com/homestead-definition/
http://preppers.org/


You should go through everything you own at least once a year. Do I need it? Is it worth the price and space it requires? Is it valuable?
Have I used it in the last 6 months? Well, if I knew where it was I would have! Ha!

Stocking Up, aka Prepping

        I'm a 'stocker', or Prepper, which is a person who stocks up on supplies such as food, basic first aid, medicine, water and ways to purify water, personal hygiene, survival items and common essentials needed in case of emergency, or the next election. ;)
The type that real Preppers would say is an inspiring noob to mid level but definitely knowledgable and headed in the right direction.
I also need to step up the amount of food storage and learn much more survival information, including every type of edible plant indigenous to my home.

To a non-prepper, we all look paranoid. But that doesn't mean that something bad won't happen. It just means that we'll be more ready and prepared for an emergency.

         Let me ask you the following... Do you have copies of your home's deed or lease, car titles, birth certificates, shot records, marriage license, photos, emergency cash and any and all important paperwork and valuables in a waterproof, fireproof safe? How about a portable one in case you need to leave home? Do you keep emergency bags in each vehicle, and a very detailed one at home by the ready, with everything in it needed to survive in case all you had in life was that damn backpack?!



If you're a single mom, check out this site http://thesurvivalmom.com/

25 Must have foods to stock up on. And if you only have these 2, you're on a good start > BEANS AND RICE
http://www.offthegridnews.com/extreme-survival/25-must-have-foods-for-an-emergency-stockpile/

What's a Bug Out Bag, and what should I put in it?

https://bugoutbagacademy.com/free-bug-out-bag-list/

 

 

 



Don't forget to include all members of your family in this. Everyone in the household should know where the supplies are, what to do and where to go in case of emergency, where to meet up in case you are separated, who is responsible for what, and how much skills and supplies each person possesses. Make a plan!

 

http://www.redcross.org/get-help/prepare-for-emergencies/be-red-cross-ready/make-a-plan

Get your kids involved and teach them, on top of learning as a family.
http://www.survivopedia.com/teaching-children-survival/

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you go online shopping and spend too much money and become addicted to Prepping.